16: A Familiarity, A Sense

His eyes closed, his breathing even, peace, like never before, as his fingers twirled their way along the Naturals and Sharps of the keyboard, his head nodding on its own accord along with the tune that is being played, his lips tugged inside with conviction and Arnav was possessed. In some liberal, new found trance. He could tell there was silence across the room, or maybe it was within him. He didn’t know how long it has been, when he felt those keys over his fingers, for real. He touched them, been around the instrument, enacted playing it, but he no longer remembered when was the last time that he pressed those keys allowing them to utter a tune. A tune of his own and A new tune that was actually the only sound being produced around. It has been definitely been long. He sighed amidst his savoring. Long enough for him to not really remember how it felt. Nothing at all.

But now that he was just relishing the mere feeling again, he couldn’t really tell how it felt. All that he felt was peace. Like the waves in that nearby ocean have finally stopped roaring and have suddenly followed an obedient pattern to reach the shore. It was tranquility, and nothing but that.

He didn’t know how his tune felt. Yes, it was void of any words, missing a meaning, but then when has his tune been just complete perfect. That thought got him to open his eyes almost instantly, just in time to catch her giving him an alarmed look. Something about the way she fixed her eyes at him or rather at what he had been doing behind the piano caused him to still his hands in air, without really giving a proper end to the tune. And he could see her snap out of her little reverie at that very same moment. He observed her, taking one heavy breathe in, her shoulders stiff, as if processing something huge and then her legs moved behind. They took a few more steps behind, her eyes still intact on him. But before he could decide to read anything into that reaction, the room broke into loud applauds and people blocked his way completely, giving him their appreciation.  

**

Something had changed in the last few minutes. Khushi was all but disoriented. She stepped out of the building and started walking the path along the sea-shore. The cool breeze that suddenly hit her, did some trick. It was like the waves that created a familiar rummaging sound beckoned her and she felt herself stepped out of the pavilion, on to the thick sea mud, removing her shoes even and walked towards the waves. She rarely did that. Enjoying the sea. She walked along it for million times a day, breathes in the very salty air every moment, yet, she had never really been attuned to the sea. There were only a few times when she felt the pull towards the sea. It reminds of her mother. And she missed her more, if she spent more time with the waves. If that makes sense.

You’re running away.

Some voice called out to her. Maybe it’s her own voice, but then how would she know, if she refused to listen to it, let alone comprehend. She squeezed her eyes shut just as the waves started tickling her feet. That helped, the thoughts ceased to take a sudden rest. But in their place, there was this weird tune she had just heard. The other night, when she tried to acknowledge this tune from her dream, it didn’t make any sense at all. The dreams have become too inevitable lately, so much that she stopped fighting against it. They were just dreams. Weird, strange occurrences. She could easily ignore the significance they might have. If they did have any.----She had thought. It was convenient to think that way. But then what exactly happened in there?

She found herself observing him play the tune, all too effortlessly. She was fascinated. It was like his very own master skill. Did he do that every time? Had he been doing it all this while? Creating music, alone? Had he been successful in discovering his skill, after all? How might that be feeling? Exciting? He did look happy with himself, definitely. He had been around all the music they have ever learnt all their lives, creating, playing, enjoying and living….. Was she the only one left behind? By no one but herself.

And then there was that tune. It was endearing, familiar yet not-so-familiar. The tune took her back to one of her dreams, yes, but the resemblance was incredulous. Irrelevant. And practically impossible. Maybe it was just her mind, giving her weird resemblance. Maybe it was just a stupid coincidence. It wasn’t the complete same tune either, not that she remembered her dream clear enough to be able to quote that resemblance.

He copied the tune from my dreams. Sue him.

Yeah right!

She thumped her foot hard in water, causing the waves to splash up wetting her jeans. And she groaned. She was looking too much into this. Her mind should just shut up already. Maybe she didn’t get a good sleep last night. But then how does that justify her mind taking her back to that exact dream where there was a similar tune that she heard.

Argh!

“Okay, this could just be an extraneous coincidence” she talked to no one but herself.

“What is an extraneous coincidence?”  Or so she thought. As on cue, she yet again jumped at Camron’s voice for the second time that evening as she turned her head just in time to look at him bent to fold his jeans up, in order to stand beside her in water. Why didn’t she think of doing that?

She dropped her head down to look at her wet jeans, the sticky sand already covering good part of her pants and she groaned again. “You should stop doing that?”

“What? Being tidy unlike you?” he teased and threw him one of her annoyed looks.

“Coming up suddenly behind me, that’s gross”

“So what is the coincidence?” he asked dismissing her statement, as he finally made himself comfortable beside her, folding his hands across his chest.

“Have you ever heard some tune or a song and had this feeling that you’ve already heard it somewhere?”

“Oh it happens all the time” He replied going completely in flow with the conversation. “Musicians get inspired by music across the world. A Spanish song seems familiar to that English song you might have heard some time ago, or an English song in turn seems like a copy of some Asian song….”

“It can also happen that maybe these two musicians, say one Spanish and one English, might have thought of the same tune or rather a tune in same raga, a similar thought process basically leading you to think in same melody way….”

“----Raaga?”

“It’s like a defined melody formula of Indian music, which most musicians use as guidelines….oh forget it!”

“For someone who claims to hate music that was quite intellectual and thoughtful”

His remark definitely had to send her back to her defensive self; it did too as an immediate reaction. But then something stopped her from coming up with unrealistic reasons about her knowledge in music and instead she chose to remain silent. The wind picked up, playing with her reddish messy locks, just as she turned away from him, bringing her own arms to hug herself closer.

“The summer is ending almost” or change in a topic could help. She heard him sigh.

“Yeah, we might see the rains in a couple of days”

“K?” he called after a brief pause.

“Hmm?”

“Can I ask you something?”

She turned her head to look at him and his gaze was questioning, curious. And somehow she knew what could it be. She just nodded allowing him to continue. “You share some kind of past with Arnav don’t you?”

That was blunt. Direct. Bang on. She didn’t see that coming at all. Not in such direct way, at least. “What the hell do you mean by that?” she exclaimed quite astonished, trying to be annoyed even.

“Well, it is a question K, and a question in turn to that is no answer I was looking for. There is either a yes or a no. Or you could choose to say, none-of-your-business.” He said raising his hands up as if gesturing that he will definitely not probe if she didn’t want him to. She looked between his hands and him for a moment before letting out a deep breath.

There was no real past, as such as people would like to call it. At least that’s what she had always been thinking. But then, there has been something, significant enough for her to look back and analyze. There has to be some kind of explanation for whatever had been going on in her mind, in her dreams ever since he made his appearance back in her life. As much as she knew there had been nothing except a few years of hating each other and that one drastic event that changed everything. And she knew she blamed him to an extent. Hence the mounted hatred. That was about it. Maybe she could really use a friend to talk about it all, out and loud. And see where it leaves her. Maybe she should let the memories surface for once. Dig them, from her interior walls and maybe put across the events to reanalyze them?

“His father and dad have been friends since forever. They are from Mumbai, the city of dreams back in India and are both two passionate people about music”

“Mr.Sam does music?” Camron eyes filled in his face and Khushi just gave him one half smile.

“They were like these legends of Indian cinema back in the 80’s. Like this celebrity duo that you often see. They started off with just singing and went ahead to establish their own musical production house. It was known the SS musicals. S for Sameer Gupta and another S for Sidhanth Raizada. Arnav’s father. They made music together and had always been together, in every aspect of life”

“I remember you saying your mom was from around here”

“Yes, Catherine Gupta, as she would like to be called was from around here. She was a catholic, a Scottish with Indian origin. Sidhant uncle and dad have come down to this very place for one of their little holidays and that’s how dad met her. She didn’t have a real family. She had once said that her parents passed away in one of the storms as their job involved travelling in ship back then. All she had was this surfing training school. But it was her interest and knowledge for music that got them together. She was a natural with music and had good knowledge in our native language, Hindi, despite her being from around here. And that’s it. They were married. She went back to India with dad, leaving everything here behind. But then dad made sure to keep the house and the store for ourselves”

“What caused you two to come back here then?”

“Mom’s death. He was missing her. He regretted not living a lot of his days with her. He wanted to live his rest of the life in the place where she was born. Since we did have the house anyway, so we came back. Its bliss here anyway! Away from all the drama that happens there”

“What about you? Did you always wanted to come back? Leaving your existence behind?”

“What makes you say that?”

“I don’t know. I have never seen you like this until today. I thought I understood you the best. The brave, cool, a stubborn, feisty, cranky child of a K that I have known, with a golden heart of course, but there is more to you than what you let on. I have just realized. He has that influence on you”

“Who Arnav? Oh come on!”

“Denial is good”

“No Cam, trust me. It’s got nothing to do with him. It more about the skill that he posses”

She looked at him as he waited for her to continue. “Music” she stated simply letting the words swirl down her throat and her voice. When was the last time that she had taken the word with conviction again?

“Don’t tell me, you are a celebrity in disguise too!”

She laughed out at that which soon died on her lips, as her eyes zoned away into the distant thoughtfully. “I have never been anything but me Cammy. Excluding the lame red hair efforts, of course”

“I have learnt music. Yes. Have always been associated with it all my life until we came here. But that’s about it. Never really tried to do anything with that knowledge. Nothing that counts as innovation”

“why not?”

“Maybe I was too occupied with having problems with him to concentrate on music” she smiled at Camron’s confused look and they turned around together, to start walking along the shore.

“Arnav’s mother passed away while giving birth to him. Mom was equally close to Sidhant uncle as was dad. They were all one small closed knit. A family. And she taking care of the infant Arnav was something that came to her naturally. Even if she was a few months pregnant with me, nothing held her back. Sidhant uncle always mentioned this with gratitude.”

“wow!”

“Yeah, she was an Angel, for all of us”

“So what went wrong?”

“Between Arnav and me? Oh everything!  I don’t really remember the initial days of course but as far as I can remember, I disliked him. I had problem with him sticking to my mom, complained about going to my music lessons with him. I was quite the cranky child, I was possessive one and little jealous too. I behaved as if I own a right on my mother….”

“But then my mom never liked that attitude of me. She wasn’t proud of me if I let myself behave that way. And so I have learned to live with it. With age, came a little maturity and I understood why we have always been stuck together. But that acknowledgment didn’t really change my dislike for him. He was not a great fan of me either. Quite obviously, for the one who always complained about him, how can he have anything for her other than hatred? So we were on the same terms.”

“But it seems like you two have been always together. How long can you really hate?”

“I don’t know. As kids yes, we were more or less, always an entity. But in our adolescence that changed. We were let free of our legendry. We didn’t have to perform, learn or be with music together anymore. And since we had a choice, we chose different people to hang out with. You can say, that there were hardly any good times between the two of us. Sometimes you just dislike a person, or not get along with him. More than reasons, the years that we spent arguing with each other stood between us. And I ended searching reasons every time.”

“If you knew you were searching reasons, why did you K?”

“Good question. Maybe I was too egoistic? Anyway, the musical war ended one day when we had a good hearing from mom, letting us off each other’s hook. She said, it was time for us to discover ourselves individually. What followed after that lead me here and he on the other hand, has actually been successful in discovering himself, individually. I have just realized”

“And that started to bother you”

That was a statement. Just a statement of understanding. No traces of judgment whatsoever. She really did have a good friend. She looked at him for a moment before nodding in agreement. “I don’t know. Maybe I didn’t expect he ever will, just like me, oh well! It doesn’t matter now anyway” she dismissed as her hand absently went to hook inside his elbow, causing him to look down at her. She was relishing her good friend. Another realization that hit her today. It was the matter of just reaching out. She had people in her life. It’s just the matter of her being in their life. Her choice. Her decisions.

“There has never been a single moment of at least a civil conversation, that’s humanly unbelievable. Or maybe it is believable. After all we are talking about the you..”

“Very funny” she slapped him across the arm and they laughed together walking towards the colony along the sea-shore.

Maybe there was, or were a few moments of cordial conversations between them. Maybe there really were a few more.

Oblivious to her, were a pair of those very brown mystic eyes that watched her, or rather them from the glass building residing just away from where they had been walking. His hand placed flat on the glass wall, his eyes fixed on that of their walking selves, and without his mere concern, his jaw tightened, looking at that companionship of the two friends. And then his mind took him back to those very memories, he hardly knew existed inside his mind. Those very memories of the few cordial conversations they have ever had- before everything have changed.

Something about which she found herself thinking too, at that very moment, completely oblivious to him.